It’s no secret I have a suspicious mind. I see people doing every day things and I am all over it like a conspiracy theorist on a dark buried corner of the internet. I am always trying to find an angle.

Last week I did something unpleasant to a facet joint in my back, took a lot of opioids and watched a lot of crime shows from my bed where I remained as still as possible while trying to eat  Smiths Chips.

It’s impossible for me to be ill and not eat at least 2 giant packs of these. Thanks mother for instilling terrible habits.

I am really back into the crime show genre. I watched two seasons of Major Crimes, (a show I really only discovered because Jeri Ryan was tweeting about the season 2 finale in which she starred) and caught up on Castle.

Although Mary McDonnell will forever be the President to me

I was a huge fan of Castle back in the day. I don’t like the Beckett-Castle relationship so I switched off in Season 5 but I’ve since caught up and am back on the liking it train. Nathan Fillion does the charming rogue too well to stick him in a monogamous relationship. Captain Mal Forever!

See? Even Castle thinks so.

Watching Castle actually made me laugh a lot because my husband is totally the Beckett and I am definitely the Castle. Not just over the major things like the fact that I want to be a writer and he doesn’t, but for things like he is ruled by logic and is quiet and unassuming whereas I thrive on chaos, wild hypotheses with a limited basis in reality and talk way too much. Castle’s wild theories that turn out to not be so wild a lot of the time? That’s how I talk about every day events with my husband. Pretty sure if an outsider heard our conversations they would think I was crazy and have me straightjacketed within minutes.

I noticed something really odd driving home a while back. I saw a guy who looked really out of place to me. Not sure why he looked out of place, but he was kind of a metro-looking dude, had some expensive shopping bags in his hands (not of the plastic bag variety, but the expensive fancy eco friendly paper kind from stores where you get shit wrapped to justify the 500% markup). He was holding a phone and looking at it, looked around, pulled out a piece of chalk, scribbled something on a post and then jumped into the nearest taxi. This is not normal behaviour! I spent the entire drive home speculating what kind of criminal activities he was involved in. I’m sure Castle would understand but James didn’t. He just told me to quit it with the overactive imagination shit. But I came up with a multitude of hypotheses about what that chalk drawing means:

• He’s on the run but he’s trying to leave breadcrumbs for someone he wants to follow him, using a personal code.
• He’s completed a mission and using a pre-arranged sign to say the job is complete.
• Signalling he’s picked up the package at a pre-arranged drop point.
• Writing the number of the taxi he gets into in case he gets murdered and wants the people following him to avenge him.
• Marking the weakest structural link in the centre in order for his henchman to take it out under the cover of night.
• Marking the spot where a regular every day Joe parks every day in order for them to be kidnapped with ease.
• Intentionally obfuscating his movements to confuse the people following him.
• It’s a message for a loved one, a clue to his true identity.
• Coordinates for a safe house.
• Coordinates for a hit.
• Coordinates for a drop off point
• A big fuck you/neeener neeener to the person following him
• A penis.

I guess I’m not quite Sherlock Holmes yet. Give me time.

Sorry Cumberbatch lovers, I have a long-held thing for Jonny Lee Miller